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Mum hugging daughter


Things have been difficult. After an abusive relationship and a long-haul slog for me and my 9-year-old daughter, we’re finally settled but it’s been troubling and *Iris can get really aggressive. I thought Kids Matter would help me learn some new ways to deal with her behaviour. I’ve got a 29-year-old son but as my daughter is much younger I thought a refresher on different things would be good; that maybe other people’s different ways of dealing with their children might help me.

The group was really good. We’re all parents and so we all understand the bad times, and supported one another. Everybody had a chance to listen and share, and I realised that not everybody is the same. This gave me confidence; more confidence to be with my daughter and do more things with her.

Now, I have stronger boundaries at home. I can say to Iris, “Right, in half an hour we’re going to watch this programme and then get shoes on because we’re going to go out”…we’re going to do this, we’re going to do that…and either she accepts it, and if she doesn’t, well she doesn’t.

I’m learning to identify my triggers – if I get annoyed with Iris…why am I getting annoyed? What has triggered me? Now, when we argue I just go off into a different room, put music on and chill; and then Iris will come in and say, “I’m sorry mum!”

I’m more intentional about spending time with Iris. Before, I used to be like, “Yeah, OK whatever” and now I’m more like, “Let’s think of things to do.” And I like it; I like to get in there and do baking – Iris loves making cakes. Sometimes when we’re sitting together, Iris will come over and say, “Mummy I love you, you’re the best” – it’s nice. The other night I was a bit ill, and she brought me blankets and got me a drink of water and biscuits. It’s nice for us both to be able to get on more and Iris is loving the attention she gets.

Kids Matter was brilliant; all parents should do it.


*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the individual.

The attached picture is not a representation of the individual concerned.